A Lesson Learned

As I sit at Starbucks, knowing full well I should be working on long care plan, but realizing that until I am able to release some of the things weighing on my heart, I really cannot work effectively. Although I could probably sit here and write about my experiences from the last 2 days for several hours, I will limit myself to sharing one thing that one of my patients taught me this week.

In nursing school, when studying a disease or any condition a patient may be experiencing, we learn about the causes or the etiology of that disease. Now the cause of a disease can be something that one has relatively no control over- maybe it is something you are born with or caused by the invasion of an infectious agent into the body. Lots of conditions are caused by the combination of multiple risk factors: sedentary lifestyle, diet, genetic predisposition, environment, alcohol, smoking, age, the list just goes on and on.

Where am I going with this? Well, it really just hit me that as health care providers, the way we interact with patients often times is influenced by our perception of how the disease came to be, and our bias as to whether or not the patient played a role. I think human nature naturally leads us to feel a greater compassion towards someone born with a congenital disease versus an older adult who has accumulated multiple chronic diseases at least partially related to lifestyle choices. So how do you overcome these inevitable biases to provide each and every patient with the care they deserve, simply for being a human being??

So one of my patients had a history of IV heroin use. It was unclear of when the last time they had injected. This patient was suffering from several serious infections causing extensive pain. I was warned that interacting with this patient would be difficult and that it would be best if tried to go into their room as little as possible. I took this as more of a challenge to find out what was really going on with the patient, than as a reason to stay away. I immediately felt a deep sense of compassion and really developed a connection just after our first conversation. Now perhaps the 2 days I cared for this patient, they happened to be more agreeable and cooperative than previously- but I honestly attribute my ability to connect to this patient to simply making sure they knew that I cared about them. In that moment, I did not care if they had shot up on heroin the moment before hospital admission. I didn't care that they complained about pain constantly. I didn't care that they were not outright friendly and interactive, or that they often were resistant to treatments and nursing care. And it made the difference. Instead of ushering me away and resisting care, I was given permission to come back in the room anytime, as their "schedule was pretty free."

As I was around this patient for a couple days, I witnessed some of the conversations the doctors and other health care providers had, both with the patient and in the hallways. Although no one outright said it, there was a sense of frustration that the patient wasn't fully cooperating, and I got the feeling that they felt this patient should be more grateful for the care he was receiving. I saw people roll their eyes, speak patronizingly, completely disregard the patients' pain needs, and fail to get to know this patient on any level aside from his medical history. And it pisses me off. It really does. And sadly, I know that most likely if this was an individual with a pleasant and easygoing personality without a history of drug use, they would not be treated in this way.

Yet in the midst of frustration, my heart continues to move towards compassion and advocacy. As much as I want to make sure this never happens to another patient, I know in some ways that is just inevitable. No one neglected his medical needs, and they were all providing competent care. All I can do is allow God to use me to love and bless the patients that are placed in my care for the time I am given. It is so hard to walk away from a situation like that. I can only hope and pray that someone else will take the time to get to know the patient. Someone who will know just as much about his love of fishing or how many states he has lived in or his dreams, as they know about his platelets, vital signs, or antibiotic therapy.

Provision

I am currently overwhelmed by the Lord's provision in my life, no matter how many times I doubt or worry or live in fear, the Lord continues to be so faithful. This morning I took a nursing exam and even though I did not necessarily study every possible hour this weekend or know every fact there was to know, I have peace knowing that I gave it a good go and reassurance that I did well, or at least well enough. I found out last night that our landlord will allow us to stay into June, which is a HUGE sigh of relief and weight off my shoulders. This past week has been rather stress-filled but I got to do a lot of things that I really wanted to do: volunteered at the food bank, attended a community event at PATH, went to the women's soccer game, bought too many books at the book sale, and had some awesome conversations with friends.

Honestly, when I look back on my college years, I am not going to remember the score I got on an exam or how many Americanos I bought to get me through the week or the intricate details of nursing theory. I am going to remember sitting watching a dear friend play soccer while having a heart-to-heart with another fellow nursing student in the stands. I will remember tucking in the kids at night and having them call out from their beds "hug Alyssa hug!" I will not remember how many hours I studied at Starbucks, but the faithful friends who were there with me, reminding me to stretch my legs, drink some water, and take a break every now and again. That is life. That is living. And I want to live.

And last but definitely not least, I got an email today that left me speechless with gratitude. Sempermed, an exam glove manufacturer, said they would like to donate some gloves to the health clinic! I feel so touched that a big corporation would take the time to respond to a letter from a college student across the country. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

A Day in the Life

This week was my first week back at clinical for the quarter. I am on a new floor, and so far have enjoyed it very much. I had an amazing patient. I really enjoyed getting to know her and learned a lot about how attitude and faith that better things are yet to come really does impact recovery.

On a different note, I paid careful attention to the amount of medical supplies I used during the 8 hours in the hospital.

-Computer: all charting is done electronically

-Dynamap: this is an all-inclusive vitals monitor; I also used a thermometer

-Stethoscope

-watch

-Gloves (and LOTS of them), probably at least 10 pairs

-2 band aids

-5 towels for a shower

-tape

-2 packs peri-wipes

-gait belt, walker

-alcohol swabs

-misc. personal care items

-gauze pad

-all her medications (taken from a fully stocked medication room)

And honestly, this was a relatively non-complex patient who didn't require a whole lot of care. It definitely puts things into perspective- it's just hard to even imagine how a nurse can care for patients without any supplies.

Dream Big

Today in church we discussed living out the visions which God places on your heart and not abandoning them due to distractions of fear, criticism, and other opportunities. I was deeply encouraged by this, as I truly believe this fundraiser/supply drive for the health clinic in Kenya is something that God has called me to do. It really just came to me all at once and I have already seen God's faithfulness at work in just a weeks time! Yes, I am scared. I don't normally like speaking in front of a lot of people. I worry that students will not be interested or engaged. I fear that maybe I am just getting my hopes up that this is going to be a success. But then I remember the point of all this- that those without voices in Kenya, and really all over the world are heard. That their cries have ears to fall upon and that just maybe those of us blessed enough to live in a country that provides basic health care can give a little of ourselves so that others may live too.

One of my favorite songs is "Dream Big" by Ryan Shupe. Here are some of the lyrics:

When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
Don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

So I am going to dream big. I am going to hope and pray that God blesses this effort beyond what I could ever possibly do on my own. And it may not all go smoothly. I have already come up against resistance. But I know this is what I am suppose to do. And God is so much bigger than my human abilities to pull this off.

Call Me Crazy

Just under a week ago, I decided that I wanted to do something tangible to assist the health clinic which I will be volunteering at this summer when I travel to Kenya. As soon as I found out the items on the clinic's wish list included gloves, Band-aids, gauze, and a number of other things that I completely take for granted in the clinical setting, I knew that a new opportunity had just arrived on my doorstep.

Now I have a tendency to over-commit and say yes to almost anything that sounds relatively interesting and worthwhile that comes my way. So why did I decide this was something I most definitely needed to pursue? In short- God put the desire on my heart and it is something I am totally excited about that no one asked or expected me to do. And it is one of those things where if I don't step out in faith and advocate on behalf of this small health clinic in the middle of a large African slum, then there likely isn't going to be anyone else, at least at this point in time, who is going to do so. And if that isn't enough motivation right there, then I am not sure what is.

So in less than a week, I have already lined up three class presentations, drafted an action plan, recruited the help of a few close friends, drafted a letter to send to larger corporations, and researched the average cost of a variety of medical supplies wholesale.

Call me crazy, but I am doing this. And I look forward to seeing how God provides. As my good friend Grace told me, you never know what you can do until you ask.