-Plato
I have always been amazed by God's grace to teach me important life lessons when I am a distracted and selfish learner. The quote above has been one that has left an impression on me ever since I first heard it. I often tell people that the very best friends I have in my life are typically people I initially do not have positive interactions with. I think I tend to make a lot of assumptions about people when I first met them, but once I get to know them, there are very few people I do not get along with. There is something powerful about knowing someone's story, their situation, their experiences. Yet I am reminded that everyone has a story, whether or not I have read it. Let me share several examples from this week.
I summarized this first interaction in my facebook status. As I was coming home from clinical yesterday, I was in a minor fender bender accident. A woman backed up without looking in her rearview, and I did not have enough time to get out of her way. As I watched her back into my car, I remember thinking how I really did not have time and energy for this, and thought about how she should have just looked in her mirror! (which is extremely selfish since my driving track record is far from flawless). I waited for her to get out of her car, but after a minute, I decided to get out myself to assess the damage. The damage was superficial, paint scratched off, just cosmetic really. She slowly opened her door, and at this point I noticed two young children in the back seat, one of whom was crying hysterically. The woman walked over to me and was just sobbing uncontrollably. I immediately forget about the fact she was the driver who had just hit me, and put my arm around her and proceeded to repeatedly tell her "it's okay." As more tears flowed, she shared that this was a rental car, that she is visiting from Europe, that her son had a high fever and she didn't know what to do, and how awful her day had been. I assisted her in calling the rental car company and tried to explain what a claim was. I kept saying, I just want to make sure you are okay. And I meant it. I wish I could have said I would have responded that way had I not known what she was going through, but the truth is, I probably wouldn't have. After some further reassurance and ensuring she had a doctor to take him to and a place to go home to, I got back in my car and continued on with my day. I felt really blessed to have been hit. I know that sounds weird, but I will always remember that interaction, and how only by God's grace to me was I able to extend love to her. And it was so powerful.
This week at clinical, I had a challenging Monday. My patients were not receptive to care, and both of them expressed to me how much they disliked being "bothered" by me. It is a hard place to be because there are certain things as a nurse you must do to care for the patient, but they may involve disturbed their sleep, poking them, asking a lot of questions, etc. I just tried to keep telling myself, do the things you have to do for them and do them cheerfully, and as you leave their room, just give them to the Lord. Yet I still kept feeling unfulfilled, and selfishly, I think we all want to feel appreciated for the work that we are doing. But I was humbled, because it really isn't about me. And everyone is entitled to feel how they feel. And in all honesty, I am not sure I would enjoy people coming in and out of my room while I am sick and just want to be left alone. Coming to the hospital on Tuesday, I just was not feeling it. I was sure it was going to be another horrible day (I can be dramatic....). Yet it turned out to be one of the best clinical days I have ever had. I had an awesome nurse- she really was my heaven-sent angel. Of my three patients, two were absolutely delightful to care for. My third one threatened to fire me :) But the uniting factor in all of their situations was they had these incredibly stories. And I naturally enjoyed listening and conversing with the two that openly shared. Yet my heart still felt for my unhappy client. And instead of being upset with him, I just thought to myself, Alyssa, he is a man who feels like he has lost all control, over his life, his body, what is happening to him. All he has left is the words he exchanges. And if by saying "you're fired" gives him a small amount of control back, then let him have it. Let him fire you. Once I let that go, I was able to be so much more present for my other patients and just filled with a love and a curiosity about this gruff man.
Finally, today I also dreaded going to community health. (Yes, I guess me dreading things r/t school is a common theme). But I was so blessed by the women we got to interact with. They were so gracious and even though we were "serving the community" by spending time with them, it was their wisdom that so deeply touched me. One woman apologized to me for smoking. She then assessed me and said I bet you don't smoke, do you? And I looked at her for a moment and said, You know, had I been in different circumstances and lived the life you have, who says I wouldn't be smoking too. And she smiled and said I first smoked a cigarette down in Texas because some of the kids threatened to beat me up if I didn't. As we continue to spend time together, I was humbled and convicted. Here I was having a great time, laughing, joking, talking with these women. Yet how many times have I looked upon this same demographic with scorn, with judgment, with preconceived notions about the lives they lead. I finally began to understand their lives. I took some steps in their shoes. As we bused to the food bank, as I stood in line, I momentarily was thinking okay how am I suppose to carry all the food back to my house? Of course, I wasn't getting food, and when I shop, I put the groceries in my car. But I thought, wow, I am finally starting to see some of the realities of what its like to depend on government and charity-related resources. A lot of people have good intentions, but there are still a lot of obstacles for homeless and low-income individuals to climb.
In light of so many lessons learn by spending time with people, studying for a pathophysiology exam seems a bit futile....:)
