When I saw this children's shoe lying on the ground in Kenya, I immediately thought of a glass case of shoes I had seen years before at the Holocaust museum, a whole display of everyday items that had been recovered...including a large pile of children's shoes. I'm not sure what it is about the shoe, but I felt a sense of hope - that in the midst of the dirt and the trash, this shoe had remained as a reminder of the precious lives of children I was interacting with and what beauty and joy they gave to the world they lived in. I remember also thinking that this image (for me at least) embodied these words of Anne Frank..."I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains." As I quickly snapped the photo, it continues to tug at my heartstrings every time I see it...reminding me of the hope, of the beauty that can exist in such sorrow and filth.
Several recent events have left me struggling to find resolution and meaning and purpose. As I was catching up with a friend I met volunteering in Kenya, I was saddened to find out that Edwin's health is failing. I met Edwin at Hope School, which is one of the places I volunteered at several times. Although it is not in Nairobi, the conditions surrounding the school are very similar and the school is an effort to provide the kids a place to congregate, to be cared for, and to learn as an alternative to wandering through the village all day. It was a place of much joy, and to find Edwin you just had to listen for his laughter and look for his infectious smile. I am told Edwin is in the hospital with malaria, typhoid fever, and pneumonia, in addition to being HIV+. Honestly, I don't know what his chances are - likely that would depend on how well his immune system is holding up. For now, that is all we know, and as we Westerners desperately beg for more information, we are reminded that not all of the world is instantly connected and that even technology falls short. I am left with one option: to pray. Though it is the best option, the nurse and the caregiver in me struggles to find peace, begging God to spare His life.
Much closer to home, I am watching a patient at work suffer too. I think how many thousands of dollars have gone into the care of this boy over the course of years - he has received all the best Western modern medicine has to offer, and yet in His case, his outlook doesn't look any better than Edwin's. Perhaps it is because I have seen it with my own eyes, but my prayers are for comfort- that his pain would end, that his weary body would get to rest. As I remember some of the conversations we have had in the past several weeks, I am reminded of his strength and determination and kind-spirit. Both little guys have shaped the person I am today, and been lights in the darkness of their circumstances.
As my trip to Kenya quickly approaches (less than a month), my emotions are becoming more raw and my heart vulnerable. Though it has been about 18 months since I have been in Kenya, many of the experiences I had remain vivid and I often relive them in my mind. I was watching some of the footage from the Carnival ship disaster and saw a woman holding up the red biohazard bag that passengers had been given to defecate in. At first, I was horrified...thinking to myself, these people paid all this money to go on vacation, to go on a cruise and to not have to worry about anything; this is inhumane, this is an outrage! However, I quickly was taken back to the Mukuru slums in Nairobi and how the concept of "flying toilets" is a daily reality, as they have no choice but to use small plastic bags as a sewage system...not for several days, but indefinitely. And they don't get to sue anyone. They don't even get shown on the news or written about in the paper. That has been a huge part of my heart for Imani...being able to share the stories and experiences of people who otherwise are never heard and who believe the world has essentially forgotten about them. I cannot change all of their circumstances, I cannot ensure all of their needs are met....not even their health needs, BUT I can affirm that they have intrinsic worth and that there are people in this world who care about them. And for every one thing I may have given to them, the people of Kenya have blessed me hundreds of times over. Without a doubt.
I didn't choose Kenya - Kenya chose me. And in the midst of tragedy, disease, inhumane living conditions, corruption, violence....hope remains.
