There’s a Trace Adkins song that has been on repeat in my
head. It goes something like this…
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this
back
You’re gonna wish
these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good
times
So take a good look
around
You may not know it
now
But you’re gonna miss
this.
This speaks to the state of my heart….EXCEPT for one
thing….I do know it now. I do know I am
going to miss this. I don’t have to be
convinced of that. So here is your
warning – long sappy post ahead. I will try
and write something coherent as I am feeling all the feels.
Today is Ruby’s last day of preschool. In just a short awhile, I will get in my car
and drive the familiar route. I will
arrive (ideally) about five minutes early, enough time to park and leisurely
get out of my car and walk to the gate. I
will scan the playground for a tall, bubbly girl – likely wearing a good amount
of pink or purple. When in doubt, I look
at the swings or the ride-on cars, two of her favorites. If she happens to see me, she will blush,
smile, and look away. When it is time
for them to line up, she will grab her school bag, look for me, and run out to
me. I will ask how her show-and-tell
was. She may immediately come forth with
this prized information. It is more
likely she will say “Not going to tell ya!” and pretend that she had a VERY BAD
day at school. She will try hard to hold
her face in a frown to be extra convincing and I will happily play along.
Pick-up equates to five, maybe ten minutes total. I have picked her up dozens of times since
September. It is a lot of the same. We have a routine. Nothing magical or special occurs. But that moment when she is looking out at
the crowd and our eyes meet and her delighted face….it fills my heart to the
brim. I’m gonna miss that.
I’m gonna miss having two booster seats in my car. I used to try and clean my car more on the
weekends – vacuuming up crumbs, collecting rogue wrappers, finding random
pencils and hairbows and an excessive amount of glitter. Then I kind of just let it be. I kind of enjoyed that the back of my car was
lived in and that even the messiness told stories of our time together. Sand = Alki beach adventures. Leaves and mud = the changing of
seasons. Chocolate on the seatbelt = a
Lindor truffle incident.
I’m gonna miss watching Ruby at gymnastics….as she mastered
new skills, gained confidence, decided she was too old to get the stamps at the
end. I’m gonna miss going to the
elementary school to pick up Willie. I
am going to miss watching them play on the playground. The phenomenon of losing track of where the
kids have gone in less than 30 seconds.
The chit-chatting with other parents.
The joys of finding a great parking lot.
The memories of getting caught in a downpour.
I’m gonna miss our outings.
Donuts at Top Pot. Swinging at
Whale Tail. Hot chocolate at Met
Market. Reading stories at the
library. The zip lines at Jefferson
Park. Rock collecting at the beach. The zoo.
Playdate Seattle. The
aquarium. The awesome playground at Seattle
Center. Finding Octavia at Trader
Joe’s. The excitement of choosing
toppings at Menchie’s.
I’m gonna miss our times at the house. Having friends over for playdates. Baking.
Art projects. Legos. Clue and Uno and Chutes & Ladders and Oh
Rats and Monopoly Jr. Puzzles. Reading stories. ABC Mouse.
Make believe. Scooters. Science experiments. Read Right.
Sticker Charts. Homework. Fuse beads.
Perfume making. The routine of
making lunch or preparing snacks. The
evolution of favorite TV shows and characters.
Bubble blowing. Thanksgiving and
the infamous calendar! Playing zookeeper
and police and Willie telling me “you are not going to like this – it’s
violent!”
I really could go on and on about this school year we spent
together. I was so grateful to get the
job and at the time, I had no idea how the year would unfold. I could not have anticipated the way these
kids and this family would capture my heart.
I did not know it would be possible to have a job that I truly loved
going to every day.
Kip & Ellie - Thank you for the privilege and honor of
watching your children. What started out
as a job quickly became so much more.
You are family. I think I
officially became family by attending Thanksgiving, but unofficially, you all
accepted me as your own from the beginning.
Thank you for being such amazing bosses!
I remember you gave me a bottle of wine at the end of my first week. You have always been so open and I feel we
can talk about anything. Thank you for
always being willing to let me have days off and going above and beyond to
accommodate for my traveling. Thank you
for trusting me with your most prized possessions. Thank you for giving me autonomy and valuing
my voice. Thank you for your willingness
to work as a team. Thank you for caring
about me as a person and the things happening in my life. You are wonderful parents. I know sometimes people assume that if a
family has a nanny, the parents are disengaged and uninvolved. I have never felt that with you. It is so evident to me that you both play
such a vital role in Ruby and Willie’s lives.
I respect you both and feel so lucky to know you and have you in my
life.
Patti & Johanna – Though you started out as “the moms of
Ruby’s friends,” I now consider both of you MY friends. As we clocked time together at school
pick-up’s, gymnastics class, and play dates, I began to get to know you as
individuals. Thank you for all of the
times you picked up Ruby & shuttled the girls to gymnastics and had her
over for playdates. Thank you for
trusting me with your own children and letting me get to know Holly and
Tuula. Thank you for being the people I
could talk to about my friend being diagnosed with cancer or the process of
applying to be a school nurse. Thank you
for sharing with me about your family, your parents, your dogs, your fears,
your hopes. Thank you both for
supporting me in my efforts with Imani/Kenya. You are not JUST stay-at-home moms. You are brave! You have stamina! You press into the routine, the schedules,
the mundane. You chauffeur. You cook.
You clean. You train puppies (or
give it your best effort ;). You nurture.
You rarely get a break. I know I
am not a fellow mom, but you are my “mom friends” and I am so grateful for the
unexpected blessing of knowing you!
Willie – I know that right now this may not mean something
to you, but I hope one day when you are older, you will know just how much I
have loved spending this year with you.
I still remember when you gave me a house tour the first time I met your
family. I see a leader developing in
you. I love that you have a strong voice
and I know that you will have the opportunity to influence others. When you
step up and take charge, people respect you and listen. I see this even from the brief time I watch
you interact with your peers on the playground.
I pray that you will use this strength of yours for good – that you will
fight against injustice and be a voice for those who don’t have one. I know school is a challenge for you and it
is painful for me to watch you struggle.
I so desperately wanted there to be a moment where everything just
clicked and made sense. I am so proud of
you every time you keep trying and persevering even when the task is
difficult. I know there are times when
you are too frustrated and you give up.
I understand that. But I also see
the times that you get up and try again.
You are making so many strides.
You can read lots and lots of words now in a snap. You have mastered many math concepts. You have an incredible memory and ability to
articulate a wide variety of facts, some that you recall from a long time
ago. You have a love of history and
science and I hope you will encounter teachers, administrators, and other
adults that nurture those passions. You
enjoy fishing and biking and climbing and running. If you decide later on that you want to do
sports or learn to play an instrument, wonderful. And if not, that is okay too. I hope you grow up knowing you can try new
things, without the pressure of feeling like you have to excel at every activity. Though sometimes it gets you into trouble, I
love that you question things. You ask
why. You persistently demand a good
reason. Keep asking questions. Keep challenging the status quo. Keep being a friend to all. Choose to be a person of compassion above all
else. Thank you for making me
laugh. Thank you for reminding me to be
patient and be able to see things from different vantage points. Thank you for protecting your sister and
(generally) playing very nicely with her.
I am a better person for knowing you.
I love you.
Ruby – You are my girl.
I would guess almost every one of my friends has heard me talk about you…probably
multiple times. We have spent so much
time together this past year and my love for you runs deep. I have loved baking with you. The two of us make a good team. Even just yesterday, I watched you crack two
eggs with ease…not a single shell in the bowl.
You make me proud. When I first
met you, you had me thinking you were going to be shy. Well, the joke’s on me! You are bright and articulate and funny (even
sarcastic!). You are independent but
still let me cuddle you on occasion.
Thank you for being a willing participant in our art endeavors – like painting
with shaving cream and marbles. Thank
you for being a trooper as we got your brother every day. Thank you for making me laugh time and time
again. You are so witty and oh how much
I loved to play into your elaborate stories and jokes. You adore animals. Now not being an avid animal lover myself, I
was surprised that your enthusiasm for animals even made me a bit mushy inside. You love your class pets. You love your friends’ dogs. I loved taking you to the pet store and
watching you watch the animals. Though
you don’t have any ‘real life’ pets of your own, you do have quite the
collection of stuffed animals. I try to
keep up with who’s who, though it does seem that a lot of them frequently
change their names! I remember when you
got your doll Ruby and how exciting that was.
Speaking of Ruby’s, I remember taking you to see my friend Laurel’s
chickens, one of which is named Ruby. We
were feeding them raisins. One of the
chickens pecked your finger a bit and you cried. But then you were brave and gave the chickens
another chance. I also think about going
to feed the goats by your house and how cute that little baby goat is. You are an agent of joy. I don’t think there was a single day that I
spent with you where you did not make me smile and laugh. I must mention that in the first few months
of being your nanny, I was a bit worried about a little habit you had of frequently
saying “vagina.” It would always catch
me off guard – this cute little preschooler, generally sweet and kind and
considerate and a rule-follower…..and then you would throw out the V-word! It makes me smile now, as it was indeed a
phase and I honestly cannot even think of the last time you said it. But let me tell you, there was nothing in my
13+ years of childcare experience that adequately prepared me for that!! We have gotten into a nice rhythm you and
I. I can pretty much guess what you want
for lunch without asking. I know you
just eat the frosting off of donuts. You
have a big sweet tooth like me! You will
spend hours coloring or doing puzzles or earning tickets on ABC Mouse. You can be a bit shy with new people, but you
warm up rather quickly. I love your
wardrobe – some of my current favorites are your cat pants and that
purple/green/black poufy skirt. I love
watching you work on the “worm bed” at the playground and doing flips on the
slide. I love when you parrot things I
have previously said, like “not gonna cry about it.” I love playing into your humor. You are smart. You are kind.
You are beautiful. You care so
much about your family and friends. You
are learning to compromise and problem solve and stand up for yourself. You really have blossomed over the course of
the year; you aren’t the same girl I met in August! I look forward to watching you grow up, as
you find your passions and your niche.
You are the best job I ever had.
I love you times infinity.
How lucky am I to have loved and been loved so much.
I’m gonna miss this.
