Yesterday was a big day. For whatever reason, I had a feeling that I would find out about the status of my nursing license and nonprofit organization on the same day. It has been a couple of weeks chalked filled with good news and reason to celebrate...1) I have a job, a wonderful position that I have dreamed about since I was 12 years old, 2) I passed by board exam and now am officially a registered nurse, and 3) Imani Care International now exists as a public benefit corporation. [Is this real life??]
Last night I was so excited to blog because I had been waiting for the "big three" to actually happen. I began drafting the contents of the blog post in my head (which I often do), but kept coming up short in terms of the title. The title....I always put this unnecessary pressure upon myself about the title of things. I know the impact of first impressions and when it comes to the written word...the title is like a magnet...and you hold it is positioning to the side that draws people in (and not repels them!). Yes it is just my personal blog and at the end of the day, I could title the post "Thursday" and it wouldn't matter. One day I would like to write a book, and I anticipate the most difficult aspect to be deciding on a title and design for the cover. It seems like one of those things where you only really get one chance....to knock it out of the park...or strike out. In watching the Olympics, specifically gymnastics, I cannot imagine what it must feel like to spend years working towards something, and in a couple of moments having that dream, that aspiration fade away. And with Olympic gymnastics...it's rare that you get another shot at it. {This is all headed SOMEWHERE...I promise!!!}
On the radio the other day, they were sharing this little story about a lady in the scrapbook store commenting that she was "saving all of her good stickers." Apparently the store clerk overhead her and essentially scolded the woman for hoarding and not living in the moment. When I heard it, I immediately thought...oh no....I save my "good" scrapbook stuff too! Of course, the story really isn't about scrapbooking supplies...though it made me question what project I am saving the "good" stuff for.... It's about the way we approach life and our willingness to put ourselves on the line, take a chance knowing we may come short, but resting assured we did not leave a stone unturned. Use the nice dishes! Go on that vacation! Stop making a bucket list and start doing it!
When I think about the events that have taken place in the couple of months, it is hard to believe that I am only 22 years old. But God always reminds me that our days on this Earth are numbered and there is no time like the present to move forward on what you are called to do. Since junior high, I wanted to be a pediatric oncology nurse. Sometimes I would mention this to my peers and they would look at me confused...not knowing what I was talking about. This dream stemmed from a combination of my love of children, my encounters with people who had battled cancer, and my deep desire to help people. I held this dream close...imagining a life of me moving to TN and working at St. Judes and maybe even making it on one of their commercials someday..haha As I volunteered at the children's hospital in high school (the one I now am employed by), I loved every moment of it and knew it was what I wanted to do. This dream stayed strong through the first 2 years of college. Everything was on track.
And then God asked me to give it up. Stab in the heart. He started asking me to think about serving internationally. I remember saying...God I will give you a couple weeks a year....I will go on missions trips...I will volunteer, but don't ask me to move there. Don't ask me to give up everything. Oh we wrestled...it probably took at least 6 months before I would even consider the idea of moving overseas. At that moment, I was in the planning stages of my much anticipated Kenya volunteering time. See I did want to go to Kenya. I love travelling and I knew I wanted to go spend time there. But I wanted to do it on my terms and I still didn't think it was going to be something I would be invested in for life. And then I got there...and my heart was forever changed. All of the sudden, I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life but loving those people in Kenya and providing healthcare. Now I was thinking Okay wow God, now I understand why you are sovereign and your plans are perfect. I will give everything to stay here and be with these people.
Beware of the moment you think you have everything figured out. It should caution you. So I came back...wanted to do nothing with the U.S. and had my sights on going back...to be a Mother Teresa figure in Kenya. And then God asked me to give that up. What???!!! I thought this is what YOU wanted God. I finally have seen these people through your eyes and now you are going to just rip that away from me??? I was devastated. I couldn't believe this. As I write this, I am reminded that anything we hold too closely can become an idol, can become something that keeps our eyes off of the Lord. So I let it go. I didn't let my passion, emotions, and love go, but I let go of the plans and ideas I had in terms of what the next chapter of life would look like. And it gives me chills to write this...not long after I let it go....I got it back. Yes, I was handed it back and told okay now start a nonprofit! Oh my my my...God you are FUNNY! I can't do that. Me?? Start a nonprofit?? I never took a business class in my life! Find someone else to do that...I just want to love people and be a nurse!
Well fast forward...and I got everything my heart desired and MORE. Both of my dreams came true, though they are constantly evolving, changing, morphing, and I try my best not to hold them too closely. I am blessed. And because of that, I want to be a blessing to others. Both here and abroad. And so the adventure continues....and what an adventure it has been.
