Strength for the Day

Sometimes it just takes everything within me to crawl out of bed in the morning. This primarily has to do with exhaustion and my body begging for another hour, even another few minutes of sleep. Yet there is also an element of getting out of bed that signifies taking on all the burdens, responsibilities, unfinished to-do lists, etc. that carry over from the day before. I find it can be rather overwhelming. Nursing school and perhaps the profession of nursing as well, presents such a double standard: we are suppose to be all things for all people, while simultaneously taking good care of ourselves and not let ourselves get burned out. Well that may work on paper or in words, but how do you realistically do that?

I had a moment, rather several moments this past week, where I legitimately could say "I don't think I want to be a nurse." This somewhat charged statement stemmed from a variety of circumstances, but in retrospect, I think I really was trying to say "I don't want to only be a nurse" and "I am more than a nursing student" and "I can't do this on my own." There is so much pressure to invest all your energy into this process of becoming a nurse, which is great except that suggests that our identity lies in our up and coming careers in nursing. Now I think this has become an acceptable model of education because nursing is such a respected career and to some extent is more holistic in nature than other careers. But I refuse to believe nursing is who I am. I have strengths and weaknesses and hopes and dreams and fears and triumphs and abilities- all of which I believe shape how I view and engage in nursing, and not the other way around. I am loved by God simply because I am His creation and his child- not because I am becoming a nurse or because I want to help people. Yes, nursing provides the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus, but I refuse to believe that nurses are held to any separate standard in the Lord's eyes. [stepping down from my soap box]

Strength for the day: that often is my prayer and my request each morning. Some days it is more like strength for the hour or for a class or presentation or test I have to endure. I often receive the comment "I don't know how you do all that you do" and the honest answer to that is "I don't, God does." It's the times when I do try to lean on my own strength and understanding that I fall flat on my face. And here is the perfect segue back to Kenya. From the beginning, the desire and the inspiration behind this awareness and fundraising adventure has been from the Lord. I mean I really just caught a vision and ran full speed ahead with it. I hate speaking in front of a lot of people- yet I knew that's what I needed to do. I really don't enjoy asking people for money- yet I have and still feel complete peace that encouraging people to share their resources is okay. I thought maybe I could raise a couple hundred dollars- to date, over $1,300 has been collected. I am simply an instrument, the microphone through which God is speaking.

All this to say, I feel much more at peace when I think about God continuing to lead and guide my every step through the seasons of life. I look forward to the people I meet, the conversations we have, the laughs we share, and the tears we shed. I continue to ask God to show me the fullness of His love for me, and soften my heart to be able to embrace it. And I don't have to be a nurse to do so. I don't have to perfect grades. I don't have to prove myself. I am loved. I am wanted. And I will be used.