The past few weeks have been chaotic. Emotions running high, to do lists so long they went to the back of the page, out of town visitors, last minute event planning details, coordinating volunteers...not to mention continuing to work my night shifts and preparing for Christmas. I thought perhaps when the event was over on December 7, things might settle down a bit. Not true. It was amazing how well the night went, and I was overwhelmed by the community spirit and generosity that I witnessed. We not only met but exceeded our fundraising goal. This was a huge blessing - and then it became a race against time to pull things together to actually start the project to fix the sewage & drainage problems at the clinic that we had been fundraising for since May. As I told my co-workers, I was trying to move a mountain.
We had the money, but now I had to draft a contract, discuss it with the board of directors, revise the contract, get approval from the board, sign/scan/send to Kenya (which involved taking my printer out of the box and setting it up), wait to hear back, be in communication with the Rotary, send a "test" international wire to their bank account, wait to hear if that had gone through, receive the signed contract, confirm the test funds had been received, and finally, make it to the bank before Christmas Eve to send the first installment of funds to be used to purchase all the supplies, which would mark the official start of the project. And by God's grace, it happened! Truly a miracle.
As I was standing at the counter at the bank, I was holding back tears as I thought about what that particular moment symbolized. Yes, it marked the beginning of a construction project that would tangibly benefit the staff and patients at Imara. But it was so much more than that. It represented all that I had been fighting for since the day I got back from my trip to Kenya in 2011. It was the pay off for all of the hard work so many people have done over the past year. It symbolized being able to restore hope by addressing a need the clinic has had for years.
Normally I do not put a whole lot of thought into the meaning of names, but it is no coincidence that Imani means 'faith.' I feel like my faith at the beginning of this journey in Spring of 2012 was even smaller than a mustard seed. Now I am not exactly sure how big a mustard seed is. According to Google, a seed even smaller than a mustard seed is that of a certain variety of Orchid....so it is safe to say my faith was as small as an Orchid seed. Everything at that point in my life I had pretty much attributed to hard work and perseverance. Yes, I acknowledged God's hand at work, but I don't think I had ever done something I was so completely afraid of and for awhile opposed to. I normally just did the things I was relatively good at - I was a play it safe type. I wanted to help the people in Kenya, but I figured I would only do things within my reach....ask for donations on my birthday, save up money so I could travel back, tell people about my experiences when they asked. I did not think I was the type that could do something bigger. I did not want to make too much noise. I did not want to fail.
I love what Martin Luther King Jr. said - "Faith is taking the next step, even when you cannot see the entire staircase." There are no guarantees in life - and anything that promises that is just a futile attempt to make us feel like we dictate the course of our lives. Starting a nonprofit organization felt like a huge risk. I felt like I had everything to lose and that maybe I should just 'play it safe' and not take the chance. I kept thinking what if I go to all this trouble, spend all this time and money, and then in the end, I don't actually help the people I care about in Kenya. Lots of what ifs. And to be honest, those did not end when ICI was founded. They continued. What if.....we don't get our tax exemption? ....we run out of money? ....no one comes to our events? ...people don't care? And on and on. But there was always that voice saying But how can you not try? What if it does work? What if you do succeed? What if this is your chance to change the world?
This really is only the beginning. So many things have happened this year that I never thought would happen. Now I don't seem obstacles as much as I see challenges. My fears are opportunities to have faith. My exhaustion is the chance to fully rely on God. My weakness is God's strength. And those mountains...I have seen them move.
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