The Next Step

"Faith is taking the next step, even when you cannot see the entire staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

I don't know what I am going to do once June 9th arrives. Yes, I will graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in Nursing. Yes, I will then have to study to take my board exam, and eventually become a licensed RN. But after that...I just don't know. I don't want to work in a hospital. I don't want to just get a job to say I have one or bring home a pay check. I really want to start a nonprofit. I want to go back to Kenya. I want to go back to the slum and give those kids a big hug. I want someone to yell out "muzungu" and point and laugh. I want to drink tea sweetened with milk and sugar. I want to vaccinate new babies and reassure their mothers that they will grow up protected for diseases like polio and measles. But ultimately, I want to do God's will.

Despite my complete fear and trepidation related to going to clinicals at the hospital, God was so faithful to me. Yesterday I had a big opportunity to love on a woman who really was being overlooked and set aside by the rest of the staff. I was in a position where I had plenty of time to listen and reassure, and I know it was time well spent. It is a horrible thing to have a patient tell you that "everybody is ignoring me and don't take me seriously." There is a lot of grace involved in nursing- patients do not necessarily behave in ways that deserves good nursing care but you do it anyway. You set aside your own judgments and conceptions and agenda, and you provide the best possible care for that person. By the end of today, I somehow was managing a full patient load (under the supervision of a patient and competent nurse). After taking on a more official role as a "nurse", I just come to realize more and more that what I love is just being with the patient. I love getting to know them. I love reaffirming their thoughts and listening to their griefs. I see it as such a privilege that these people I have never met trust me to care for them, often in very intimate ways.

God's blessings have come in other ways as well. Last week, I received a donation for the clinic from a woman I have never met. I was overwhelmed that someone who believe so strongly in my own passion and vision for Imara that they would be willing to donate some of their finances. I was also blessed to receive a beautiful letter from a girl I use to babysit who now lives in Britain. In her 9-year-old cursive, she recollected her days of life as a "year 4" and just reminded me of the simple joys of life. My sister is currently serving the Lord in Africa and I am just so excited to be able to connect with her when she returns.

My whole life I have had a plan. In the past months, I have let more and more parts of that plan go as I yield to the Lord's will for my life. I have had to learn what faith really is. Faith isn't drafting the plan and going to God for a stamp of approval. So what is my next step? I can honestly say "I don't know, but God does." And for now, I will continue to watch the staircase unfold before me, ascending one step at a time.