Leaving a trail

"Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation." -Jesus Calling

I struggle with not knowing what is coming next. The majority of my life thus far has been fairly predictable. As an infant, you sit up, then you crawl, then you stand up, then you walk. After preschool comes kindergarten, followed by first grade and so on. After high school, it's expected that you attend a college of some sort. And I guess now as my graduation from college nears, I am suppose to start thinking about getting my first job.

The only problem is...I don't want to follow this paved path. I love the quote "Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Only problem is- that is really a hard thing to do. To break the norm, to go where no one has ventured, to do something that everyone tells you is crazy or not the sensible option. But I think sometimes that is exactly the thing that God calls us to. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see my power and glory at work in the situation. In the New Testament, Jesus literally asks his disciples to drop everything to follow him. And they did! They left their jobs, their families, their homelands, their comfort, and they followed Jesus. And as much as I long to go back to Kenya, ultimately I pray that I will desire to follow Jesus, whether that be to Kenya or not. I do not want to live the "normal" life. I want to experience all of what God has to offer. And I know it to be true that the harder circumstances are, the more I am forced to rely solely on God, and not on myself and not on what this world offers.

I received this picture of these precious twins from the clinic. Their names are Stephen and Blessing. Stephen was breech. Peter wrote to me saying, "In ideal situations this complex delivery would have taken place in a well-equipped and established hospital. But by God's grace we conducted the deliveries safely and the twins are doing fine." From my perspective, these twins are a miracle. In the states, this likely would have been considered high-risk, been a mandatory C-section, and the twins probably would have been given numerous interventions. Yet, they were delivered in a very small room with minimal equipment and maximum faith. And God showed up. It brings me to tears even to think about this- but that is the kind of life I want to live. I want to come to a place where I trust God for everything, and live a life that witnesses his power and glory.

Time is a trainer. Yes it is. The months since I have been in Kenya have without a doubt have been the hardest time of my life. It's hard to describe exactly what about it has been so hard, but I just feel like a part of me is missing and I am still struggling to function without that part. I never expected it to be so emotional or so difficult to resume my life here. In fact, I remember as I was leaving being worried that I would transition back to American life too quickly and just kind of forget about the impact Kenya had on me. But this time really is teaching me a lot. It's stripping me of everything, putting me in a place of complete vulnerability with no one to cry to but Jesus. I really do not know what this new year holds for me. Do I have hopes and dreams? Of course. But Jesus reminds us to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough troubles of its own.

So today, I am thankful for the life of Stephen & Blessing. I look at their faces, their innocence, their beauty. I wonder what their lives will hold for them, what kind of people they will grow to be. I cry for them, and I pray for them. And I hope that one day I will be able to hold them, and to look into their eyes and tell them how precious their life is.